I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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