did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
