My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
