im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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