I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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