I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you so shy because you have an std?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
