I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
