I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
