oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
