I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
