I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
