I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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