very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
