but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
