I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
