Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
