I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
