I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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