I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
