'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize