Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
