im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
