tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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