we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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