i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize