if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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