I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
