...so i touched it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
