at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
