dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
