you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
