Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize