I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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