Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
