i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just high enough for therapy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
