She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
