I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
