allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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