Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
