His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
