If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
