He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You took a bar mat shot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize