I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We are all done wearing pants today
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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