She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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