I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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