two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
