so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
