My cat gives me a boner
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
