He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
