omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
