i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
