I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
