My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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